Shitty Zombies – Canvas Print

February 12, 2015 - Gifts for Art Students, Home
Shitty Zombies – Canvas Print


Amazing artwork by the incredible  Jim’ll Paint It

Shitty zombies canvas print


Alan:        I’m a zombie! I’m a zombie, I’m dressed as a zombie! I’m Alan Partridge!

Michael:  Would you come out, please, Mr. Partridge, because guests are not allowed behind reception.

Alan:        Alright! Alright. It was just a joke, alright, it’s backfired.

Ben:         Is that blood?

Alan:        It’s tomato ketchup.

Susan:     Why have you got a shower curtain round your neck?

Alan:        I’m a zombie, I don’t know! It’s supposed to be a flap of skin or something.

Susan:     Did you pull that off one of the showers?

Alan:        No, I checked all the rings to make sure I could re-attach them afterwards. Nothing has been damaged.

Michael:  Why have you got biscuits sellotaped to your face?

Alan:        They’re complimentary, they’re supposed to be flaky skin. I’m a zombie.

Sophie:    What’s that hanging down between your legs?

Alan:        It’s a flex off a mini-kettle. Supposed to be a tail.

Sophie:    Zombies don’t have tails.

Alan:        Alright, it’s inconsistent! Zombies, by their very nature, are inconsistent. They’re a mish-mash of different bits.

Ben:         No, that’s Frankenstein.

 lan:        Right, you’ve made two glaring errors [raises his finger to make the point].

Ben:         What’s that on your fingers?

Alan:        They’re tungsten-tipped screws, claws. Right, error one – actually, they’re quite good for making a point, aren’t they? Error one, right, Frankenstein was the name of the creator, not the monster. Error two, right, Frankenstein is a zombie. He’s a type of zombie. It’s like people who say Tannoy when they mean public-address system. Tannoy is a brand name. Why are you all staring at me? I’m not having a go at anyone, I’m having a pop at the undead. Do you see any upset zombies around?

Sophie:    Just the one.



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